Disappointment

Some one asked me recently, "How do you handle disappointment?"

I was at a loss; there was nothing I could say to her. How DID I handle disappointment? My lack of an answer could mean one of two things, either I'd never experienced disappointment or I was so good at dealing with it that it didn't deserve any attention. There was a third option; may be I had never wanted anything in life so bad that disappointment was possible!

Ironically, the very next day I received notification that my application for admission to the MBA at London Business School was rejected.

How would I handle disappointment?

Rough around the edges

What is it about a straightforward simple approach that puts off people?

Is it threatening? Can it be deemed as arrogant? Is it the same as being brute force? A lot of people, to my chagrin and misfortune, seem to think so.

There is this un-understandable resistance that the most people have towards a direct unencumbered, free of fluff approach to life. The ability to to know one's limits and to realize when you're wrong is an ability that is sadly missing in this world.

I make no friends being the way I am and i intend being the way I am for as long as I be!

But naturally!

There are those that are born to lead and then there are those that learn to do so.

I wish I could have belonged to the former, to have the flair and magnetism to draw all and sundry to me to do my bidding. But as some one aptly put it, I need that one person to be better than I, some one that I can report to, some one that will commend or condemn as the situation warrants. For this reason, more than anything else, I will never make a natural leader, never be top honcho. The inherent insecurity about my capabilities prevents me to flying high without looking over my shoulders.

But then I have never been one that things have come to naturally. Even the things I like doing, like driving, are a learnt process. Unlike Sbh, who had to sit in a car but once to start driving like he had been driving in mom's womb, it took me an entire month filled with embarrassing questions and close calls to actually get hang of the steering wheel. Even now, after 10 years behind the wheel, 1 in a car that allows me be ONE with it, I make rookie mistakes!

Damn I wish I was a natural!

I am hoping I have one shot at redemption - the MBA. Maybe I am doing it because I don't like the field I am in, maybe I think with an MBA a lot more doors will open up, maybe the idea is to leap frog the years it takes to work up the ladder to upper management - whatever the reason, I am hoping that the gut wrenchingly long and intensive application process opens a door within and shows me 'the meaning of being me'.

I had a teacher who once told my mom that she needs to find some one to tap my potential - apparently she saw something in me that no one else saw. Till recently that comment was the basis of my belief in myself, the bedrock of my confidence. Now I realize that I need to tap that potential, or more importantly, see if it still there!!

Long ago I had told a friend that I want to to prove to myself that I am not as bad as I think I am; she turned around and told me to to prove myself to be as good as I thought I was - ten years hence, I think it is time to see who's perception of life wins out.